Sunday, March 3, 2013

the asylum


asylum, work, the daily grind
A building exists in a random city in the middle of nowhere.  Inside this building is a business.  A business with 50 employees.  A business making money and creating products.  Or so they want you to believe. This “business” is actually a social experiment. Employees are legitimately hired and paid. But what the employees don’t know is they are there for one man’s entertainment.  “Supervisors” and extra “employees” have been planted and “real” employees are subjected to beyond absurd situations.  Anyone who stays on board for 2 years will win $2 million.  No one has lasted that long.  

Welcome to the Asylum






Episode 5
Its been two months since the last weekly meeting with sales, but it seems all the players are in the office this morning and on time.  Unfortunately for Max, it looks like the meeting might happen.

Sure enough.  10:00 rolls around and The Boss buzzes by to pick her up.

They get upstairs at 10:02 and find only VP Sales Guy’s assistant. They proceed to wait.  After 5 agonizing minutes of silence, Assistant finally calls his office.  

VP Sales Guy: Yea, yea I'm coming.

He obviously knew what time it was.  Max enjoys the fact he clearly thinks his time is more important than theirs.

VP Sales Guy saunters in, sits down, kicks his feet up on the chair next to Max and stretches his arms back behind his head.  And as he does, Max realizes he is wearing a ridiculously short sweatshirt that looks like it was bought in 1980...a shirt so short that she is now looking at about an inch of his belly.  

Oh god.  And of course he has now asked her a question.  As she answers, it is nearly impossible to look him in the eye and pretend to not notice the ring of exposed belly. She assumes he thinks this is sexy.

VP Sales Guy is now upset about a 3rd party vendor whose product is not performing as expected. He decides his solution is to go to their offices and beat someone up.  I’m not kidding even a little, he says.  

Of course, the mature and legal way to handle things.

Max now sees The Boss frantically looking around.

Max (in her head): What the hell is she doing?
The Boss: I didn't bring a pen.
Max (again in her head): How do you come to a meeting and bring paper but not a pen?
The Boss (looking at Assistant) : Can I borrow yours?

For the rest of the meeting Max watches The Boss take The Assistant's pen every time she needs to make a note and then hand it back to her.

The final topic involves the next ad plan.  Max is tasked with new ideas so she asks for the reporting on how the past ads performed.  

VP Sales Guy: The reporting won’t provide any substantial support.  You’re just going to have to use your gut.
Max (in her head): My gut? I am supposed to make marketing decisions based on gut feelings?  Its 2013 and there is so much reporting available i'ts not even funny and you want me to use my gut? 

Awesome.  

As she wanders back downstairs to her cage, Max thinks if she had known she could find a marketing job where she just had to depend on her gut, she would never have wasted her time and money on college.

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