Monday, March 25, 2013

the asylum



snoop dog, asylum, groundhog day
A building exists in a random city in the middle of nowhere.  Inside this building is a business.  A business with 50 employees.  A business making money and creating products.  Or so they want you to believe. This “business” is actually a social experiment. Employees are legitimately hired and paid. But what the employees don’t know is they are there for one man’s entertainment.  “Supervisors” and extra “employees” have been planted and “real” employees are subjected to beyond absurd situations.  Anyone who stays on board for 2 years will win $2 million.  No one has lasted that long.  

Welcome to the Asylum





Episode 7

It’s time for the Groundhog Day meeting again.  The twice weekly meeting where they talk about the same stuff that never moves anywhere.  Especially between the Tuesday and Thursday meetings. But they MUST talk about it over and over.


Today’s meeting starts with The Boss arriving with a pen...but nothing to write on.  Max sits at the other end of the table because she is tired of lending The Boss paper.


Half way through the meeting, this conversation happens about some ads The Boss wants created:


The Boss: You should look at the ads that one company did for us.
Max (in her head): That is NOT enough information

No one responds.

The Boss: You know...that one company. Snoop Dog.  Doggy Dog.  Something to do with a dog.


Max has NO clue what is happening. She tries not to make eye contact with anyone for fear of laughing.


The Boss tries again: You know, the re-targeting company we used.
Max: Fetchback?
The Boss:  Yea!! I knew it had to do with a dog.


Annoying Co-Worker then tries to give his employee some art direction.  Not being a designer himself, the direction is usually ridiculous.  Today’s feedback:

Let it Breathe


The meeting ends on a high note (yes that's sarcasm) as The Boss looks at a print out of their website's home page and actually asks if that is how the home page currently looks.  Max wanders off wondering how the hell The Boss doesn't know what the damn website looks like.


Sunday, March 24, 2013

favorite 5 of the week + 5

I assume most of you know I do my favorite 5 posts because some weeks suck and it's a struggle to find anything positive.  These posts keep things in perspective.  Some weeks I struggle to even find five.  But this week, I found myself lucky enough to find 10.  Enjoy!

 1. The Bloggess Rainy Day Books' event in Kansas City.  She was hysterical and crude...just as anticipated! This also included dinner at Tomfooleries with the husband.




















2. Hanging with a friend I had not seen in a while.

3.  A friend's shower and the fact that a great group of women still consider me their friend.

4. 48 hours with the boys.  This visit included glow-in-the-dark miniature golf, baking cookies and Wreck It Ralph.

Golf












5. A love letter from my dog.  Although we know she doesn't love us.  She's a jerk and I'm surprised she didn't poop in the middle of the heart.

Love letter
















6. JT and the 20/20 Experience.  It's so good it will melt your face off.

7. KU making it to the Sweet 16.

8. Zero Dark Thirty.  I KNEW we should have seen that one instead of Lincoln in the theaters.

9. 13 Miles ran in one week.

10. Cheeseballs.


Monday, March 18, 2013

the asylum


asylum
A building exists in a random city in the middle of nowhere.  Inside this building is a business.  A business with 50 employees.  A business making money and creating products.  Or so they want you to believe. This “business” is actually a social experiment. Employees are legitimately hired and paid. But what the employees don’t know is they are there for one man’s entertainment.  “Supervisors” and extra “employees” have been planted and “real” employees are subjected to beyond absurd situations.  Anyone who stays on board for 2 years will win $2 million.  No one has lasted that long.  

Welcome to the Asylum






Episode 6


Max wanders over to the little corner kitchen to clean out her cup and load up on more caffeine.  As she rounds the corner, The Boss is standing in front of the fridge with the freezer door open. She has just taken out an Eggo. It is 3:00 in the afternoon, but whatever...it's about par for course. But she is still standing there with the door open.  

Max stands there rinsing out her cup wondering what the hell The Boss is doing.

Suddenly The Boss closes the door and says 'moji.' Max looks at her confused and thinks come again? She figures The Boss will say something else to explain the situation. But nope...she just walks away.

What the hell?  

Max opens the freezer hoping there is some indication in the freezer to explain what just happened. There is a drink in the freezer with a label that says 'modjo.'

Awe...it suddenly all makes sense. The boss must have been reading the label but mispronounced it. Max has no idea, however, how The Boss thought a word ending in with an 'o' would be pronounced 'modji.'

Sunday, March 17, 2013

favorite 5 of the week

1. A boss free week at work.

2. The first trail run of the year with the husband.

3. 80 degrees on a Friday...in March.

4. A Saturday of shopping and hanging with The Mom.


jayhawks, KU basketball, rock chalk,










5. KU winning the Big 12 Tournament and then getting a #1 seed.  It was a good weekend to be a Jayhawk.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

the asylum


asylum, work, the daily grind
A building exists in a random city in the middle of nowhere.  Inside this building is a business.  A business with 50 employees.  A business making money and creating products.  Or so they want you to believe. This “business” is actually a social experiment. Employees are legitimately hired and paid. But what the employees don’t know is they are there for one man’s entertainment.  “Supervisors” and extra “employees” have been planted and “real” employees are subjected to beyond absurd situations.  Anyone who stays on board for 2 years will win $2 million.  No one has lasted that long.  

Welcome to the Asylum






Episode 5
Its been two months since the last weekly meeting with sales, but it seems all the players are in the office this morning and on time.  Unfortunately for Max, it looks like the meeting might happen.

Sure enough.  10:00 rolls around and The Boss buzzes by to pick her up.

They get upstairs at 10:02 and find only VP Sales Guy’s assistant. They proceed to wait.  After 5 agonizing minutes of silence, Assistant finally calls his office.  

VP Sales Guy: Yea, yea I'm coming.

He obviously knew what time it was.  Max enjoys the fact he clearly thinks his time is more important than theirs.

VP Sales Guy saunters in, sits down, kicks his feet up on the chair next to Max and stretches his arms back behind his head.  And as he does, Max realizes he is wearing a ridiculously short sweatshirt that looks like it was bought in 1980...a shirt so short that she is now looking at about an inch of his belly.  

Oh god.  And of course he has now asked her a question.  As she answers, it is nearly impossible to look him in the eye and pretend to not notice the ring of exposed belly. She assumes he thinks this is sexy.

VP Sales Guy is now upset about a 3rd party vendor whose product is not performing as expected. He decides his solution is to go to their offices and beat someone up.  I’m not kidding even a little, he says.  

Of course, the mature and legal way to handle things.

Max now sees The Boss frantically looking around.

Max (in her head): What the hell is she doing?
The Boss: I didn't bring a pen.
Max (again in her head): How do you come to a meeting and bring paper but not a pen?
The Boss (looking at Assistant) : Can I borrow yours?

For the rest of the meeting Max watches The Boss take The Assistant's pen every time she needs to make a note and then hand it back to her.

The final topic involves the next ad plan.  Max is tasked with new ideas so she asks for the reporting on how the past ads performed.  

VP Sales Guy: The reporting won’t provide any substantial support.  You’re just going to have to use your gut.
Max (in her head): My gut? I am supposed to make marketing decisions based on gut feelings?  Its 2013 and there is so much reporting available i'ts not even funny and you want me to use my gut? 

Awesome.  

As she wanders back downstairs to her cage, Max thinks if she had known she could find a marketing job where she just had to depend on her gut, she would never have wasted her time and money on college.