Thursday, November 29, 2012

the asylum


A building exists in a random city in the middle of nowhere.  Inside this building is a business.  A business with 50 employees.  A business making money and creating products.  Or so they want you to believe. This “business” is actually a social experiment. Employees are legitimately hired and paid. But what the employees don’t know is they are there for one man’s entertainment.  “Supervisors” and extra “employees” have been planted and “real” employees are subjected to beyond absurd situations.  Anyone who stays on board for 2 years will win $2 million.  No one has lasted that long.  

Welcome to the Asylum






Episode 4
It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

8:40
Max catches movement out of the corner of her eye as she reads the CNN headlines on her computer. She looks up just in time to see the boss walk by. Weird, she’s never here this early.

8:50
Max gets an email from the boss...it has been sent to group marketing.

Subject: FOOD
Hey, get the eating started early and enjoy some muffins, chocolate milk and OJ.
- The boss

Great, Max thinks, that's what we need...one more day added to the expanding waistline season? She hates food tables b/c of the touching of food by others, but it’s an excuse to get up so she wanders over to the food table.

She walks up to the table and sees 12 muffins.

M (in her head): Are you kidding me? She brought in 12 muffins? For a department of 25? How do you grab that few muffins and think yup, that will work?


1:50
It’s about time for the annual ‘Suck Up (sorry Giving Thanks) Fest' the sales department organizes. The head of sales gathers his troops, brings in a ton of food and then gives thanks to the people they are asses to all year.

Max doesn't have the time (or energy) to wander upstairs. She’s scrambling to get work done before her days off and she has no desire to hobnob with the man who talks to her like she is 5.


2:20
'Suck Up Fest' organizer wanders downstairs and circles the floor. Max is pretty sure he is taking a headcount of those who didn't attend his lavish food offering.

2:45
Radio from the mail room stops Max.

R: Hey, Adam was looking for you at the Giving Thanks thing upstairs.

M: Yea, I had a lot of work I was trying to finish up.

R: Well he looked super upset you didn't go up to see his thanks he posted just for you.

M: I’ll have to catch up with him later

She tries to edge out of the conversation at this point.

R: Well, I just told him he would have to give you a wet floor next time he sees you.

M (in her head): I don't know what that MEANS.

M (out loud): Nervous laughter

She wanders off hoping Adam doesn't know what that means either because she is not interested in finding out what that involves.


Thursday, November 15, 2012

the asylum

asylum, work,
A building exists in a random city in the middle of nowhere.  Inside this building is a business.  A business with 50 employees.  A business making money and creating products.  Or so they want you to believe. This “business” is actually a social experiment. Employees are legitimately hired and paid. But what the employees don’t know is they are there for one man’s entertainment.  “Supervisors” and extra “employees” have been planted and “real” employees are subjected to beyond absurd situations.  Anyone who stays on board for 2 years will win $2 million.  No one has lasted that long.  


Welcome to the Asylum







Episode 3
Today Max discovers her boss is putting together a daily update meeting.  Are you kidding me, she thinks to herself.  She knows exactly what this meeting is about.  Its being put in place for one guy who can’t keep his shit organized.  It’s just going to be 5 minutes her boss promises. Yea right, Max thinks.  When does a meeting around here ever last just a few minutes?

9:30
The first “daily update meeting” happens.  The 5 minute meeting goes 45 minutes with Max’s coworker making excuses over and over for why projects are not completed or running behind.  She only speaks once when asked where her projects are. The answer...complete or waiting on the boss for feedback or approval.  

Awesome. She has this to look forward to every day.

11:15 Boss is now on a conference call and is SCREAMING into the speaker phone. Max wonders if the boss thinks they can’t hear her because the other party is half way across the country.  Other supervisor on the call is stuttering...which means he is confused and nervous.

2:00 Radio from the mail room wanders in with a sample stack of this month’s brochures.  

M: Who are those for?

R: You

M: I told you last month I didn't need a stack anymore.

Radio just looks at her and then wanders out.  She assumes next month she will again get a stack.  He is clearly not worried about waste...or thinking for that matter.