Tuesday, October 30, 2012

the asylum


the asylum
A building exists in a random city in the middle of nowhere.  Inside this building is a business.  A business with 50 employees.  A business making money and creating products.  Or so they want you to believe. This “business” is actually a social experiment. Employees are legitimately hired and paid. But what the employees don’t know is they are there for one man’s entertainment.  “Supervisors” and extra “employees” have been planted and “real” employees are subjected to beyond absurd situations.  Anyone who stays on board for 2 years will win $2 million.  No one has lasted that long.  

Welcome to the Asylum



Episode 2
8:20 - Max stands in the lobby waiting for the elevator.  It’s only three flights up but it’s hot and she’s tired.  She just hopes Saul is off the crutches so he can stop annoying people.  The elevator bell chimes, the doors slide open and there sits Saul in a wheelchair.

You have got to be shitting me, Max thinks.

He is faced towards the back wall because he was clearly unable to wheel in and then maneuver around to face forward.  She is thankful he was not able to see her face when the doors slid open.

She has stood dumbfounded for so long the elevator doors are now shutting and she has to throw her leg into the doorway to stop them.  He cranes his neck and sees it’s her so she says good morning but leaves it at that. As usual she tries to limit conversation and refuses to ask what happened.

It is the most awkward elevator ride in history.

The doors open and Max bolts out ahead of Saul hoping to make it to Lark’s cube so she can alert him to the grand entrance that is about to unfold.  She arrives at Lark’s cube unable to breathe.

M: Stand up

L: What, why?

M (panting & laughing): Just seriously stand up.

Lark stands up just as Saul is coming around the corner.

L: What the....

He quickly sits down and looks at Max. He too is now laughing. Max just stands there shaking her head. She can’t even fathom what would have happened that would force him into a wheelchair. She tells Lark he is responsible for finding out the story and then heads to her office.

She watches out her fishbowl window as Saul asks his cube mate to remove his chair from his cube.  He is apparently going to stay in the wheelchair all day instead of get in and out of it.  She then proceeds to watch him hit his left wall, back up, then hit the right wall, back up and then hit the left wall again before finally lining it up well enough to roll into his cube.

10:20:  Max sees Saul telling his story in the kitchen and decides she doesn’t need water after all.

12:15: Max sees Saul trying to get in the office door that locks over the lunch hour. He can’t reach the card reader.

1:30: Saul has a fellow employee caught halfway in the bathroom telling his story. Poor guy just wants to pee.

2:15: Lark shows up in her doorway.

L: All right I’ve got scoop. He says while he was trying to hobble around on one foot, his other ankle gave out.  He apparently has weak ankles.

M: Of course he does.

L: Story has it, he used to weigh 300 lbs. (Saul is about 5’8) and carrying around all that weight caused his ankles to weaken.

M: You would think his ankles would be stronger from carrying around that weight.

L:  The story gets better. Apparently he couldn’t find a way in to work, so he called Sue who was already here at work and asked if she would come get him.

M: What? Why couldn’t his boyfriend work out delivery?

L:  I have no idea.

M: So does Sue have to take him home tonight?

L: That I don’t know.  My question is why didn’t he just stay home?  If I’m in bad enough shape that I need a wheelchair, I sure as hell am not coming to work.

4:45: Max packs her stuff up for the night and wonders what absurdities the next day will bring.  She makes sure to bolt past Saul’s cube so there is no chance for him to corner her for a ride home. She’s just sorry she will miss the show that will be Saul getting himself and his chair into Sue’s car.


Sunday, October 21, 2012

favorite 5 of the week

Crystal Head Vodka, vodka, bamboo
My empty
Crystal Head bottle

1.  Figuring out what to do with my empty Crystal Head bottle.

2. Two days sans boss.  It makes for very productive days.

3. A couple new potential opportunities.

4. A new season of American Horror Story

5. A Saturday night without the husband.  A quiet house is
always nice.


Monday, October 15, 2012

the asylum



the asylum, work,
A building exists in a random city in the middle of nowhere.  Inside this building is a business.  A business with 50 employees.  A business making money and creating products.  Or so they want you to believe. This “business” is actually a social experiment. Employees are legitimately hired and paid. But what the employees don’t know is they are there for one man’s entertainment.  “Supervisors” and extra “employees” have been planted and “real” employees are subjected to beyond absurd situations.  Anyone who stays on board for 2 years will win $2 million.  No one has lasted that long.  

Welcome to the Asylum




8:30 AM - It’s Monday.  Max sits and stares out into the office through her wall-size window. The window makes her feel like she works in a fish tank.  No privacy.  She wonders whose great design that was.  She sees Saul arrive; he’s on crutches.  

Seriously, she thinks to herself?  

Saul is the boss’s pet (a**kisser is probably more accurate).  And he likes attention...lots of it. She can’t wait to hear what happened.  She’s not going to ask though...his stories are too long and she doesn’t like him anyway.


10:00 AM - Lark wanders into her office.

L: Do you want the scoop (knowing fully well she does)

M: Is that a serious question?

L: He twisted his ankle when he fell off A stair.

M: Wait, what?  A stair? As in ONE stair?

L: Yup.

M: And he’s on crutches for that?

L: I couldn’t make that up if I tried.

Who the hell falls off A stair and winds up on crutches, she wonders.  

1:00 PM - It’s 108 degrees outside, but it is so cold in her office Max has to put on her fleece jacket to keep from shivering.  She can’t feel her nose.   

2:00 - Max looks up and sees Saul heading down the hall.  He has abandoned the 2 crutch method and is currently using 1 crutch and the cube walls for support.  As he grabs each cube wall, the cube resident jolts from the shock wave Saul creates.

Max bets the entire office hopes the crutches are short lived.

**Stories may or may not be true.  All names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.




Sunday, October 14, 2012

favorite 5 of the week

1. A win on an idea we pitched at work this week.

2. Birthday shopping for the boys.

3. A night out with some great friends.  It made me feel old. But hey, I rallied and made it until about 2 AM.

Night out.  I was not on stage dancing but rather sitting
in the back...cause I'm old.

4. My niece's pronunciation of my name.  You may now call me Kicka.

5. The return of The Walking Dead baby!


Thursday, October 11, 2012

high school reunion


So I went to my high school reunion this past weekend.  And I feel like I should write something about it.  Something revolutionizing, something about how it was better or different than expected. Something.  Anything.  But honestly, I don’t really know what to write.  See it was pretty much what I expected. There were very few classmates there...way less than I expected. And it was simply people who knew each other in high school standing around talking to each other.  And for those who did not know each other, there were these random moments of “hey, how have you been” as they squinted at your chest hoping the name on the name tag would reveal more than the face staring at them.  Yes, everyone was cordial and yes everyone was polite. But just as I expected, what exactly do you talk about with someone you barely spoke to 20 years ago?  

I was glad I had taken the husband, and I was excited we caught up with a friend from long ago and his wife. He was as cool as I had remembered and super easy to talk to. But I was really disappointed in all the faces I missed. There were so many classmates in the Facebook group who simply just didn't show. There’s a guy who plays dodge ball every week I really wanted to talk to. I wanted to hear stories from the girl whose brother I worked with who has an awesome adopted daughter. There’s the mom who I was good friends with who has a house full of adopted foster kids. I wanted to hear all these stories. But something about reunions, or at least this reunion, seems simply uninviting to most.

What I wonder is how do we get THOSE people to show up? Or are those people just not interested in those they never knew to begin with. Or is it that we are so disengaged because of what the Internet and social media provide that we feel we no longer need to gather face to face anymore.

I don’t know why I went. I think it was because I honestly thought more classmates would show. I thought I would get to hear in person the stories I have discovered along the way online. I would still love if some of those stories were shared. Maybe I’ll start and put one of mine together. One that tells someone a little more about who I am and what I stand for. Because who we are and what we stand for 20 years later can simply not be conveyed over three hours of drinks and mingling.

What’s your story?



Thursday, October 4, 2012

wise word wednesday on a thursday


“Running is like celebrating your soul. There's so much it can teach us in life.”
- Molly Barker, founder of Girls on the Run


I have been known to pay money so I can drag myself out of bed at what can only be referred to as the butt crack of dawn and drive halfway across the city to run 3 miles.  Now that the husband has ventured into running with me, he has the pleasure of being drug along with me.  And while a 5 AM wake up call on his only day off of the week may seem brutal, there is a lot that can be learned on these early morning treks.  

On this past Sunday morning, we participated in the Blues N Brews 5K down in the crossroads. After the run, the Blues Travelers performed. Here’s a little of what we learned:
  • It is DARK at 5 AM.
  • Watching the moon go down and the sun come up is breathtaking.
  • The dog refuses to get up that early.  We got a “screw you guys, I’m going back to sleep” look as we headed out.
  • The streets of downtown are quiet in the morning.
  • While I was elated to hear Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch’s ‘Good Vibrations’ pounding at the water stop, I’m sure the residents of the apartment building across the street were not thrilled about the early morning wake up call.
  • The homeless like to stand on corners and blow cigarette smoke in your face during mile 2.
  • Somewhere in Kansas City lives a man over 65 who can still crank out 3 miles in 24 minutes.  
  • You are not a true rock star until you play a concert on a Saturday night then rally the next morning at 7 AM to play again for a bunch of crazy runners.  We heard the guitar player for the opening band was smashed by 9:00 the night before but was back on stage and sounded great the next morning.  
  • Sometimes when you get up early you are rewarded with sweet swag...like a cool medal that is actually a bottle opener (see what you’re missing out on D?).
Blues Traveler, running, 5K, Crossroads KC
Sweet Swag

  • Runners like to drink...duh, that’s why we run.
  • The Blues Travelers still sound fantastic...even after all those gun charges.
  • Running...it does a body good.