Monday, February 13, 2012

my more than love story

Im not affectionate, not touchy feely, not one to express my feelings out loud.  My own mother doesn't even hug me b/c she knows how uncomfortable it makes me.  Trust me, its one of my many less than endearing qualities.  Im convinced I was simply hard wired wrong.

So Ive been watching posts online today about Valentines Day.  Stories of how people met, stories of how in love people are, stories of a made up holiday.  And b/c I'm in an even less feeling good about people frame of mind than I usually am due to a recent fall out, I've been annoyed all day.  The husband and I don't even do anything for Valentine's Day.  Aside from the information above, my bday is just two days later and its never economical to celebrate twice in one week.

But I'm trying to see out of a hole right now and trying to figure out some of my not so great qualities and how they affect others...how they are what got me into my current situation.  So I thought I'd take a step outside of the super crazy person I am and write what I'll call my More Than Love story.

My story is not the typical girl meets boy and gets married story.  It's more of guy goes with a girl and her sisters to see an MU330 show and stuck around for the next 17 years.  I went to college and he followed.  We started purchasing and owning things and soon realized it would be easier if we were married.  So I don't have a proposal story or an engagement story.  I don't have a wedding ring and the only reason I didn't get married at the court house was b/c my mother wouldn't allow it.

But see...none of that, those things that makes up every one's love story, means anything to me.  Those stories of material things aren't what make a love story.  My love story is made up of all the immaterial things I get out of my relationship.  I have someone who supports me in everything I do and follows me into every endeavor I want to make.  Even when such endeavors involve bringing foster children into the house only to discover that, yup I positively for sure don't want kids.  He talks me down off ledges and points out why my weaknesses and negative attributes are what screws things up sometimes.  He allows me to change jobs when I need to, even when its risky.  He pushes me to write more and take more chances.  I'm neurotic and crazy and plan everything to the detail.  He gets my crazy though (and makes fun of it) and on occasion he makes me let loose.  Mostly every year on the 4th when I somehow allow boys to blow things up.  But most recently on our west coast trip where he talked me into playing it by ear and NOT booking hotel rooms.  He has supported 8 years of yoga and now 4 years of running b/c he know it makes me not so crazy.  He lets me have my own friends, even when they are boys and even when I really, really like said boys.  He knows I have parts of my life that need supporting by other people.  He knows those friends fill the gaps he can't and that they make me a better person. And recently he has watched a huge part of my life melt down as I try to get another part of my life moving in the right direction and supported me through the madness that has come with it.

So maybe everyone else has these really great 'this is how we fell in love' stories.  But do they have the next 17 years after that?  I do.  And that's MY love story.

1 comment:

Andrew said...

Beautifully written, Krista. As neurotic as you may feel, I get it. I've been "following" my wife for years.