Saturday, December 10, 2011

friday fail

So when all was said and done yesterday I had a day.  Here's how it went:

On Thursday I was called out by a co-worker for using improper English.  I was not and later sent him the English rule proving it which he subsequently dismissed.  Yesterday, I somehow managed to arrive at work the EXACT same time as him and then had to ride the elevator with him while he again debated the rule.

I received a lecture on meeting etiquette from the woman who is always 15 minutes late to a meeting, doesn't even acknowledge most weekly meetings as they come up, never knows what a meeting is about until we debrief her and/or cancels about 50% of her meetings.

I then received a lecture from same woman about projects not getting done...when all the "undone" projects on my desk are waiting action items from HER before I can proceed. 

I was almost run over in the QuikTrip parking lot...I actually had to run to get out of the way.

I finally made it home and smashed my finger in the dog crate trying to release the hounds.

At dinner, they gave me the black bean soup instead of just the black beans.  The black bean soup had pork in it...I don't eat pork.

While I was standing in the doorway of the grocery store taking my coat off, a guy full-on walks into the back of me and about knocks me over.

The pajama pants I bought at Old Navy which I just 'held up to' the pair I had tried on...they looked EXACTLY the same size...didn't fit when I got them home.

And when I thought I had finally made it to the end of my day, just before midnight, the dog wakes us up by puking up the entire contents of her stomach.

Beat that.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

99 problems...and the b**ch WAS one

So we talked ourselves into footing the bill to get ourselves in the building Tuesday night to see Kanye West and Jay-Z.  I've always said I'd pay anything to see Jay-Z and while I didn't pay to see them down front, I did go along with the husband, sister #2 and the brother-in-law (BIL).  Below are some pictures but here's the story of the night.

We sat up top (b/c thats what the budget allowed) and its steep up there.  When you stand up you are literally hovering over the people's heads in front of you.  Before the show starts we see there are two very drunk guys behind us sitting next to two girls they are chatting up.  We don't think much of it and the show finally starts. 

Not ten minutes in, one of the bitches sloshes her beer all over me and my sister.  My sister turns around and tells them they need to watch it.  They ignore her.  So I turn around to try and get the girl's attention and she literally swats my hand away.  At this point the sister and I are pissed. 

They seem more interested in drinking and so they wander off at some point.  But over the course of the evening they wander back and forth continue to spill beer on us and our stuff.  Every time we yell at them and they look completely surprised like they have NO idea why we are mad and then try to get in our face an apologize.  At some point, we move down but that only works until they come back and wind up behind us yet again. 

About two hours in the one girl has disappeared completely (presumably with some random guy she planned on screwing) but the other girl is back and finally falls backwards into our row and into the seat next to me.  I was about ready to kick her ass.  The guys behind us pull her back up and she again spills beer on my coat. 

I look at the husband and say, there is about ready to be a fist fight.

I think he knew I was serious and physically moves me over and proceeds to yell at the girl and the guy she is now with.  They act completely surprised...AGAIN...that we are yelling at them.  The way I see it, they were lucky we had been so understanding considering  both me and my sister had beer on us and all of our coats were covered in beer.  Your welcome for us not getting you kicked out, girls who were young enough to be my daughter.

Aside for the beer...they fucking rocked the house...see below:


Jay-Z















 
Kanye






Monday, November 28, 2011

from inside the asylum walls

So i just lapped my office (to stretch my back).  Today's scenic route included:

1. My boss in yet another meeting with the same woman she was in a meeting with from 11:30-2:30.
2. The CEO appears to be doodling at his desk.
3. There is boxed chicken salad on our vending "shelf"...bleh.
4. Someone was crying in the bathroom.
5. I found pistachios.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

just say no

I haven't been to Thanksgiving at my mom's house in a couple years.  We've been out of town and at other sides of the family but finally got back around to my mom's this year.  However, it was apparently everyone else's turn this year to be elsewhere and so the gathering was fairly small.  One table, 9 people and not a lot of room for the dishes.

Because of the limited space on the table, the rolls were allocated to a staging table back in the corner that was holding the coffee maker and wine.  My mother had not yet sat down and realized everyone else had sat without picking up a roll first.  So her solution, and really anyone's solution I would imagine, was to throw rolls to those who wanted one.

My uncle was up first and she threw a line drive down the table so hard I still don't know how he caught it.  My husband was thrown the next one which he had no problem catching....he plays softball.  I was asked next and I promptly said no.  My one handed disadvantage makes me a very hot and cold catcher.  

My cousin was up last and at this point there was a terrible miscommunication.  My cousin can not catch but for some reason my mother thought she had been cleared to throw her one.  So as the roll headed toward my cousin, she figured her safest option was to block it.  However, she is apparently just as bad at blocking as she is at catching and so the roll hit her hands, then hit her in the eye, bounced onto the table and rolled onto the floor.  It somehow grazed my uncle's wine glass and while I saw it topple I simply could not grab it before red wine spilled onto my cousin's plate, the tablecloth and her shirt. 

So the moral of the story?  When asked by my mother if you want a roll...just say no.

high school reboot...a reunion in the making

Immediately following the posting of the where and when details of our highschool reunion, the group posting on facebook has exploded with people uploading photos from junior high and highscool.  Every time I turn around someone else has posted a pic or commented on said pics. 

And its funny, cause a handful of fellow classmates are out there enjoying themselves, remembering all the good old times...but do you think they realize these pics are just pics of all the people who were popular? 

So its just a big "hey, look what you missed in highschool" fest for all those NOT in the pictures.  I think I may have liked it better 10 years ago when reunions got planned without the use of facebook and the reminder of what highschool was like from the outside.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

i wanna thank god

The husband and I are watching the AMAs and at this point in time I'm not sure who hasn't thanked God.  So we started thinking about it...and here's what we've decided:

He really, really likes music.  All music, he doesn't discriminate.

He loves sports...a lot.  Specifically touchdowns, home runs and championships of any kind.

He's a huge fan of movies and TV. 

He loves Sunday mornings..and Wednesday nights.

He loves voting.  For artist of the year, people's choice...you name it, he votes. He must have a hell of a phone plan. 
 
I suppose I should thank god for giving me something to blog about...and yes, I'm going to hell.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

its a dog's world

For those of  you who don't know, we have a new addition in the form of a 65 pound shepard/lab mix.  And while he's wreaking havoc in more ways than one...here's tonight's episode.

We have two dog beds in the house.  Before #2 came along, we left one in the living room and one in the bedroom for at night.  As we welcomed #2, we figured for now we can just move beds around so we either have both in the living room or both in the bedroom.  This way they could both have a pillow available.

#2 has been here for a week now and every day we move the beds from room to room.  And every day #2 forgoes the pillow.  So while #1 picks a pillow and hangs out, #2 chooses to lay on the floor.  Whether in the living room or at night in the bedroom, #2 chooses the floor.

So tonight we are setting up shop to watch a movie and I see #1 huddled over in the corner and realize I haven't brought down beds.  Seeing as how all week #2 has chosen the floor, I figure I'll just drag down one bed tonight.  I trek upstairs, drag it down and #1 makes herself comfortable on the bed while #2 lies near by...on the floor.  Sweet, we're settled in. 

Not 10 minutes later I look up and #1 is huddled back in the corner cause #2 has decided he wants the god damn bed tonight.  Are you kidding me?  He's been on the floor all week...why is he on the bed now!?!? 

I trek back upstairs to get #1 a bed and now she's behind the couch.  You're welcome for all the bed moving around...punks.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

a moment in time

I recently went to a friend's birthday party, a friend who I used to work with, a friend I acquired during what I have deemed the perfect moment in time. 

She is part of a crew of people I used to work with at my former place of employment which shall remain nameless.  It wasn't a great place to work.  It was corporate, always on the verge of collapse, run badly, creatively stunting and, for the last few years before they cut me loose, every day I walked in the front door it sucked a tiny part of my soul out of me . 

But, within the walls of this corporate institution, there existed a group of people I fell into who wound up becoming some of the greatest friends I will probably ever meet.

I don't make friends easily.  Up until that job I had not worked anywhere where there was even a handful of people I liked.  Im a loner by nature, always have been.  And it actually took me a long while to infiltrate this group.  It was a close knit group.  Many of them had been working with each other for years and some were best friends coming in.  They were loud and obnoxious and had story after story from their collective histories they would tell over and over to anyone who would listen.  They were super intimidating to say the least.  But they wound up being people who were like minded and equally as rude as I was, and I slowly slid into the fold and began creating my own stories with them.

We always joked about how it was an anomaly to fall into such a great group of people you liked working with and actually liked as people too.  I looked forward to going to work...not because I liked it there but because I knew THEY were there. 

At this point in time, many of us have moved on...different jobs, different states. For some of us its been a while since we were there...for others its not been all that long.  But what I can tell you now is I'm pretty sure it was in fact a perfect moment in time that probably wont happen again.  It was our perfect storm.  I currently work with people I like...but its not the same.  This group is like family to me now.  I celebrate birthdays with them, stand by the as they fall and help them back up, trudge through illness and watch them become awesome dads and moms. 

Out of the chaos, unhappiness, unrest and frustration of the job itself something great formed.  And no matter what happened there that I didn't like or how badly it ended for some of us, I wouldn't pass up that moment in time for anything.  

*This post is dedicated to the boy

Sunday, November 13, 2011

favorite 5 of the week

1. Finding out a friend escaped the corporate bullshit.

2. An email back from The Book Doctors...this could be interesting

3. Lunch and what not with a friend

4. Crazy, Stupid Love

5. Our new addition

Friday, November 11, 2011

from inside the asylum walls

Sometimes I feel like there is no sanity within the walls of where I work.  Some of things that happen daily are too good not to share.  Here's today's.

Weird interactions happen to me in our kitchen. Those who know me know I’m not a maker of idle chit chat. If I don’t know you, I don’t really need to talk to you. So this morning I’m standing in the kitchen wearing this shirt (trust me, this is important).














A woman I do not know walks in to get coffee and asks how I am. Because I’m only a partial bitch, I answer that I’m fine. She then proceeds to tell me my shirt is cute. Uh…did she look at it? Because in case you missed it, I’m standing there in a shirt with a heart on it with daggers sticking out of it. Im not sure I would have gone with cute.  She then says to me:

“Its so nice to wear long sleeve shirts in the fall and winter and not just in the summer.”

This was followed by an awkward silence as I have NO idea what that even MEANS. I’m glad she walked away because I had no idea how to respond.

Friday, November 4, 2011

lunch time errand running fail

This weekend the husband and I are heading to the father-in-laws' (FIL) lake house.  We are having a thanksgivingesque meal and we are responsible for the rolls, cranberries and pumpkin pie...I know random.


I hate being sent on food-gathering errands as I'm a dolt in grocery stores...you can usually find me either turning circles in the aisle or trekking across the store 4 times.  Its obvious on days like this that when we do our weekly grocery shopping, I clearly just follow the husband and the basket around paying no attention.  I suspect he already knows this.

So today I combine lunch gathering and errand running and pick up a salad first.  As I head away from the salad counter I go to look for my list.  After a thorough set-my-shit-down search its clear it's no where on my body.  Awesome!

I think I know what I need, so I proceed.  I get everything (I think) and only manage to turn myself around oncea and head to the check out.  I don't have any reusable bags with me but need to replace one anyways...so I grab a reusable bag to purchase too.

Unfortunately I unknowingly pick a line where the lady speaks very broken english.  She asks if she can put everything in my bag im purchasing.


Me: Actually no...can you put the pie and cool whip in a plastic bag?

Broken english lady: So the pie and cool whip in your bag youre buying only?

Me: Uh no....in a plastic bag...so I can take those back in to work with me and put them in the fridge.

Broken english lady: So nothing in the bag you bought?

Me (in my head): Sweet jesus

Me (out loud): Yes, everything else can go in that bag (at this point Im talking to her like shes 5).

I finally get out to my car and realize I need my salad back in at work too so I go to resack stuff and realize they didn't sack the plastic fork I picked up.  I dont have a fork...that's why I picked one up.  So I have to go back in the f**king store.

As I head back to work I decide I don't want to deal with the construction down at the light on the corner so I figure Ill cut through some neighborhoods...which I could have done if I had picked the straight lane coming out of the parking lot.

I did not.

I instead wind up in the turn right only lane.  So when I wind up at the intersection I was trying to avoid, I cant turn left.

I need to turn left.

This hiccup causes me to have to drive through fresh tar...twice.  Once going through the light where I can't turn and then again after I turn around and come back through.  As I turn the corner I almost run into a woman in a car on the wrong side of the road.

I somehow make it back to work (who knows how at this point) and as I get into the lobby I see one of the elevators is sitting open. Sweet!  I walk up to it and RIGHT before I get close enough it shuts and takes off without me. As the doors shut I literally, out loud, scream are you f**king kidding me??!?


To end the fantastic trip, I wander back to my office and find my list...sitting on my desk.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

wise word wednesday

Pugilist -

One who fights with his hands; a boxer.

*I found this word while reading a review for Hugh Jackman's new movie, Real Steel.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

lions and tigers and baileys...oh my

We got to hang out with the Bailey clan for Halloween.  Here are my highlights of the evening:

The best hand made Tin Man, Dorothy and Wicked Witch costumes I've seen.










The fact the husband uses Halloween as an excuse to walk around in his creepy mask.










Having a car pull up that was decorated like the bat mobile with a bat man inside driving.  While at the moment it was awesome, as an after thought it may have been creepy....who knows who was in the car creeping through the streets.

Maggie's white chicken chili.

Lily falling down the stairs on the husband's watch.

Tyler screaming out that the ding bell didn't work.

Thanks Baileys for a great evening!

favorite 5 of the week (late again)

1. Klout...I have it

2. The Elephant in the Living Room

3. A successful pumpkin carving

4. A massage

5. Seeing the boys...and discovering they may miss us, at least a little bit.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

high school reboot...a reunion in the making

For a week or so the online high school reunion crew posted a survey regarding dates for next year's reunion.  And based on a whopping 20% response rate, they chose a date and a location.  And before you know it...that's right...someone has a problem with the location.  The question is why are we having the reunion at a spot NOT in Olathe and therefore not supporting local businesses?  And while I honestly don't give a shit, I'll tell you the husband had the same question when I told him about it.  It's a legitimate question and probably an important one when cities struggle as the economy sits tight in sucksville.  I think it may have made more sense to keep it in Olathe. 

The defense was who wants to have it at the Holiday Inn and I say who cares where we have it?  Oh wait...status must still matter in JoCo...I forget.  There was also the defense that moving it out of Olathe kept the cost down and offered more perks.

Well...I then discovered the "lower cost" is $45 and Im not sure this qualifies as keeping the cost down.  My good friend just had his reunion and they sat at $20 a head.  I'm figuring the $45 will cover food, but I bet my ass it wont be anything I can eat being a non-red meat, pork, dairy eating gal.  I also bet the "perks" don't include drinks.  Maybe I'll follow suit with my friends idea, hit a liquor store on the way there and serve drinks out of the trunk of my car.

Besides I didn't misbehave in high school...maybe I can make up some time here.  You come find me at the reunion; I'll hook you up:)

i thought my box was wet

Interactions like this happen in my house all the time.

Thursday night I hear the husband rummaging around in the kitchen and then I hear him say:
Hey, thats dirty.

So I asked him what was up and he tells me he pulled a beer can out of his case he just bought that was completely empty. 

I say:
What, how does that even happen?

Then I hear him mumble:
I thought my box was wet....maybe i should go check the trunk and the hatchet.

I looked at him and thought that sentence doesnt even make sense. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, he has a hatchet in his trunk (dont ask) and thought maybe it had poked the box (twss*) and popped a can open.

At that point I wandered off shaking my head.

*thats what she said

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

favorite five of the (last) week

1. Lunch at The Moose

2. Making ass hat look like an idiot

3. Red State & Horrible Bosses

4. Sushi

5. Dancing Mya

Sunday, October 23, 2011

mystery cookies

I dont bake.  If you know me, you absolutely know this is true.  Hell, you know I'm not even allowed in the kitchen as I may melt something to the stove or actually burn the house down. 

Recently though, to support our favorite neighbor girl who sings, cheerleads, tracks it up, rocks at anything she does (you know who you are Goat), we bought a couple buckets of frozen cookie dough.  And while there is no way the two of us can eat that much cookie dough, we figured we had enough holiday, family stuff coming up to take cookies to.

So today we had lunch planned at mom's house, and so I thought we'd make up a batch.  When we arrived it was hectic and there was dessert bread made too, so I pulled the bag of cookies out and stuck them in a corner on the counter...and subsequently forgot about them.

At about 7:30 this evening little sister Facebooks me:
Did you bring cookies to mom's house and leave them?
I thought oh shit and confirmed we had.

At 7:45 little sister calls the husband: 
Did you guys bring cookies to mom's and leave them without telling anyone?
The husband once again confirms it was us.

At 7:46 sister #2 texts me:
Did you leave cookies at mom's house?
Once again I confirm.

I finally call mom.

Apparently mom and dad found the bag of cookies after we left.  Little sister is napping and they wonder where they came from.  They rule out sister #2 as she has a 1-year-old, and they figure there is no way she baked cookies. They rule me out as...well, you read the above.  So they figure they must have been leftovers from a party little sister was at last night.

Little sister gets up from her nap to find mom and dad having coffee and cookies.

Mom and Dad say:
Hey, thanks for bringing the cookies home...they're great.

Little sister says:
Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Who knew 12 cookies would cause so much confusion on a Sunday afternoon.

happy birthday nikki

One of my good friends, Nikki, turned 50 last weekend and I was invited to the fabulous bash.  Nikki is a graphic artist and outside of work a super creative artist whose always making great gifts for people's bdays.

While I also landed a creative gene, I got the short end of the stick and can only create words...and I'm always super jealous I don't have the ability to create actual things for people. But this time around I figured maybe I'd give it a go and create something for her...even if it was just a bunch of words.

Then I had the great idea these words would be better spoken and some how convinced myself to read the words out loud to a house full of people.  I also commissioned another creative friend to organize the words on paper for me. 

She asked me to post what I read...so along with an image of what my friend put together...here are 50 things I love about Nikki:

She is creative
& artistic

A lady with an attitude
& a purveyor of some pretty bad ass baked goods
She is a doting daughter,
attentive aunt
& devoted sister

A genuine listener
& a fellow connoisseur of adult beverages…specifically vodka
& has a booming personality

Is a movie maven
a music enthusiast
& a hippy at heart

She has an enormously kind heart
& is a shoulder to cry on

She is one mean mama on the dance floor

Is self made,
self sufficient
& a loyal friend

But…one of the worst spellers I have EVER met
& ends most sentences with a question mark

She is Howard’s hag,
a creator of some amazingly, magnificent treasures,
one foxy lady
& an accessory whore

She is beautiful on the inside & out,
a food fanatic,
raucous,
a lusty wench
& vertically challenged

Will always, ALWAYS tell you what she thinks,
throws legendary Halloween parties
& a savior of small animals…just ask Willy

She is compassionate,
generous,
a dirty girl,
a partaker of trouble,
a love maker
& a vixen

Handles loss & change graciously
& rolls with the punches, no matter how hard they hit

She is a punk rocker,
knows how to properly fly her freak flag,
is sassy lady
& is inappropriate…in the best way possible

She is fantastically funny,
cusses like a sailor,
is vivacious,
displays a lust for life

and is hands down the owner of the world’s most bodacious ta tas


art by b. tuttle



Wednesday, October 19, 2011

wise word wednesday

So I was telling a friend of mine the other day about an injury I have and I used a word he didn't know when talking about the muscles that are affected.  He proceeded to tell me it might be interesting if, weekly, I posted a new word...hopefully a word not familiar to most people.  And I thought that since I identify myself as a word girl here it only made sense to start such an idea. 

I decided to pick Wednesday as Wednesday is the middle of the week, we're only half way to Friday, need something to look forward day.

With that said, we'll start here this week with the word that started it.

PSOAS
Either of two muscles, one on each side of the loin, extending internally from the sides of the spinal column to the upper end of the femur, which assist in flexing and rotating the thigh and flexing the trunk on the pelvis.  According to my yoga instructor these are your core muscles that help stabilize you.

super late favorite 5 of last week

1. A meeting with like minded people.

2. Coffee with cream.

3. A Friday night on the couch with crystal skull, Project Runway and a Cosmo magazine.

4. Being the highlight of a friend's party.

5. A Sunday afternoon with the Bailey's.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

today's run sponsored by some fantastic chalk drawings

I went out for my three mile run this morning and apparently yesterday was a good day for chalk drawings.  I wish I had taken my phone with me as these are probably much funnier with an image, but I did not and didn't want to go back out and be the creepy woman hopping out of her car to photograph people's driveways.

Mile 1: A giant must live here.  The hopscotch squares were so huge an entire kindergarten class could stand in one. 

Mile 1 1/2:  I ran across a picture of a house and an outline of a person twice as big as the house.  Either this child needs a lesson in proportions or there's a hell of a future for him in the crime scene, chalk outlines department.

Mile 2 (This one made me stop and walk as I can't run and laugh):  I'm sure this child's parents were quite impressed with what I'm guessing was a drawing of a mushroom.  But to the demented, non-breeder, all I saw was a penis and ball sac.

And for the record, Busta Rymes will really make you haul some ass as you head into the final stretch.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

pacific northwest brewery tour by bicycle

The husband and I headed to Seattle a couple weeks ago and road tripped it down the coast all the way into San Francisco.  And while there are a ton of stories I want to get posted here, I'm going to start with this one...its out of order but I found it really interesting.

After a day in Seattle we headed out towards Mt. St. Helens (which we saw very little of due to rain...weird, right? rain in the pacific northwest) and then over onto Highway 101.  Periodically, as we got closer to Highway 101, we noticed small groups of cyclists but didn't think much about it.  But the longer we were on the road and the more we started watching, we noticed how much gear these cyclists were carrying.  Most had at least saddle bags on the back of their bikes but there were some loaded up with packs on the front too; a few were even pulling separate carts behind their bikes. 

As we pushed down the coast of Oregon day after day, we would run into single cyclists and then packs we had to maneuver around entirely.  There were signs everywhere calling out the highway as a scenic bike route and road signs everywhere urged us to watch out for cyclists.  At this point, we figured this coast must be a pilgrimage cyclists take.

Every hill we would pass them on I would wonder how the hell they were ever going to make it to the top.  Some of these climbs would go on for miles and the first two days we drove, these cyclists were dealing with crazy rain and low visibility.

Finally in a brewery in Eureka, California we ran into two cyclists who appeared to be making the "trip" (whatever that means) and the husband decided to ask them where they were from and where they were headed.  They were actually from Seattle and had started out on Sept. 11th on a 25 day bike trip down into San Francisco.  They were on day 9 (he had to check his calendar as they were confused as to what day it was) and had about 5 hours of cycling left that day.  This was their first time making the trip, but the coolest thing was they had planned the whole trip around visiting breweries all along the way.  She had on a "Will Bike for Beer" headband and they had the sample flight of beers while they refueled.  They told us they averaged between 60 and 80 miles a day depending on elevation and the climbs they encountered.

The husband thought they were crazy but I could totally see myself doing something like that.  We were travelling the same route at about 60 miles an hour but imagine how awesome it would be to do it at less than half that speed.  You wouldn't miss anything.  It was very inspirational but those cyclists were far more extreme athletes than I ever will be.

high school reboot...a reunion in the making

So for those of you who follow me you probably know how old I am and you may have realized my 20 year (yikes) high school reunion is coming up next year.  We had a 10 year, but it was before the facebook/social networking era and so the planning played out very differently then how I can only assume this one will.  My graduating class has already started a group on facebook to try and start pulling people together.  And regardless of what I think about highschool reunions, I think it might be fun to follow the progress, or lack thereof.

Join me for a year of a reunion in the making...it should be fun!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

favorite 5 of the week

1. Getting invited to lunch by my employees and then being told by one later that she was glad I'd come and that it was fun.

2. A great 3 mile run on a Thursday night.

3. New smelly stuff in the mail and a Friday night X-Men date with the husband.

4.  Deciding I may have a book in me after all.

5. Sunday afternoon with my sister and niece.

high school musings

As much as I don't want to admit it, it's about that time.  And by "that time," I mean it has been so long since I graduated high school it's time for a 20 year reunion.  But what I WILL admit is, I don't get it.  I don't get the tradition, I don't get what it means and I don't get what the point is. 

Its been 20 years and now because tradition says so, we are supposed to plan some event so we can get back together with people we knew during what was seriously a blip on our radar of life.  The only reason we even "know" each other is because we lived in the same area for an instant in time and were forced to spend 8 hours a day for 3 years within the confines of the same walls.  We didn't talk to each other or hang out with each other because we had things in common.  We did because we were the only people around all day. 

And while they will preach those years were our golden years, our informative years, the years that mold us...I say bullshit.  I'm not the person high school made me.  God, that person wouldn't be a person I would want to meet...I didn't even know who I was back then.  I became the person I am now because of the things that happened after I left high school.  After I made friends with people I had things in common with and started actually living life and not caring what people thought. 

I have met a TON of people over the last 20 years who have played huge roles in my life.  And at this point and time most of these people have moved on from being the center of my life...due to changing jobs or moving away or dying.  I would LOVE to have a reunion to see some of these people...I miss some of them so desperately it takes my breath away.  But I don't get that option.  No one ever screams hey, its time to reunite.

But that high school graduation date sneaks up and someone screams.  Someone screams hey, lets get back together.  Us people who don't know each other beyond our 18 year old selves, beyond the brains and jocks and princesses and cheerleaders and the punks we once were.

And I don't get it.  What is it we are supposed to achieve with this one night of reconnecting?  Is it so those doing well can boast?  Cause I can tell you that's why some people won't come.  Is it so you can feel better about yourself because others aren't doing as well as you?  Is it cause you're still pining for the one who got away? 

I guess though my ultimate question is why do I think I need to go?  And I think the answer might be because, much like the reason I can't NOT watch The Jersey Shore, I love train wrecks.  And I think high school reunions might just be the old-school train wreck no one is willing to look away from.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

mean girls

I work with what I would call a mean girl.  While she's not my boss, she is A boss, a VP to be exact....and even better, the CEO's sister.  I have discovered she likes to throw her weight around and unfortunately for me is currently throwing it around in my direction.  She seems to think her power gives her the right to reprimand me, tell me I need to manage in the same fashion she does and basically crap all over my parade.  And thats fine, if I had done something wrong or if I was bad at my job...but I'm not.  As a matter of fact, Im really good at it.  MY boss thinks I'm doing a great job.  My peers think I rock-and-roll.  And my employees think I have come in and picked up the mess the last supervisor left in an amazing amount of time.  So all this woman is doing is puffing her feathers and trying to intimidate me.  See, her style of supervising is micro-managing and scaring and making people cry.  And I think it pisses her off I can make people happy, have fun, NOT micro-manage and get better results. 

Here's my real problem though.  Why as one woman to another would you want to treat someone that way?  Currently, the company I work for has more women in management positions than men.  Why as a woman, knowing the struggles we still face in a male driven corporate world (trust me it still exists), would you not want to support each other.  Help each other be the best workers in our positions instead of trying to make others feel like shit?   

Mean girls have existed since the beginning of time and I guess as a girl it's just something I have to accept.  But just think about how much more we could accomplish if we stopped being so mean to each other and instead used that energy to get ahead and do good.

And now Ill step back off my soapbox.

Monday, September 5, 2011

favorite 5 of the week

1 .The Jimmy Fallon Show.  Any night but definitely hash tag night..."pop it like a tart."

2. The term 'day drunk'...this is an excellent hash tag.

3. Pay back, in full.  Thats Crystal Head Vodka:)











4. The Maroon 5/Train concert...specifically the men's bathroom.

5. My BIL (brother-in-law) figuring out the mother's Wi-fi issue.  You rock!

favorite 5

This was two week's ago that I never posted.  This past week's will post later this evening.

1. Golf with the husband

2. The Help with mom and the sister

3. My niece downward dogging it









4. Being told by the boss I'm doing a great job (I went a long time without hearing that)

5. The VMAs...I don't care if you hated them.  That shit is pop culture at its best. (But I did refuse to watch Chris Brown...they shouldn't support him, or Britney Spears..she's not old enough and was never talented enough for a tribute)

Thursday, August 25, 2011

marco...polo

My night went a little something like this:

11:55 – got to bed a little later than usual…took mom to see The Help for her b-day.

12:03 – chirp

12:03:10 – Husband: was that a smoke detector?
Me: Uhhh…yup
Husband: Son of a bitch

12:04 – chirp

12:05 – the dog is officially freaked out and panting like crazy

12:06 – the husband dismantles the smoke detector in our bedroom as the sound seems to be coming from fairly close to us

12:25 – chirp
Husband: Are you freaking kidding me?!??!

12:26-12:31 – the husband dismantles (what he thinks are) ALL the smoke detectors on the upper level of our house and takes them to the basement

12:45 – chirp…the dog now climbs in the shower.

12:46 – the husband gets up to try and figure out why we can still hear the chirps if all smoke detectors are now in the basement

12:50 - I get up and see he has missed one at the end of our hall…we have NO idea why we have 5 on one level some just outside the door from another one.

12:55 – he replaces the battery in the missed detector with our last 9-volt figuring at this point we have narrowed down the culprit.

1:25 – chirp
The Husband: motherfu**er@!?@!@@!?@!@

1:32 – I get dressed so I can go to the Kwik Shop to buy more 9-volts. At this point we think the lone still-assembled alarm is pissed and won’t shut up until we reassemble the rest of them.

1:35 – I head out, and as I open the door the dog bolts past me unannounced and heads to the car.
Dog: Get me out of this crazy house.

1:38 – I purchase 6 9-volt batteries. I’m sure the young boy behind the counter had grand speculations about what I was trying to power up.  I didn't care.

1:40-1:50 – The husband re-assembles all the smoke detectors with new batteries.

2:00 – chirp
Husband: Sweet mary all that is holy I need to go to sleep

2:01 - The husband heads out to the hall to literally sit under three of the detectors to determine which one is STILL chirping.  The dog has now wedged herself between my bedside table and the bed.  I am contemplating going to sleep in the car.

How she wedged herself in there Ill never know














2:15 – I tell the husband maybe that was a final reset-like chirp and he comes back to bed.

2:16 – I think I fell asleep

2:30 – chirp
Husband: angry silence

Me: Do you think it’s the carbon monoxide detector?

2:32 – The husband determines it is INDEED the carbon monoxide detector but then discovers it takes batteries that are NOT 9-volt of which we have none.

2:35 – The carbon monoxide detector is banished, dismantled, to the garage.

Dear Mr. Carbon Monoxide Detector Maker,
Can you please, please, pretty freaking please make the damn 'dead battery' alert sound different than a smoke detector alert?

Sincerely,
Only got 4 hours of sleep and hating my day right now

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

tales from the floor - Sig Ep style

So the husband cleans carpets for a living. He's in and out of dozens of homes in any given week and every now and then he comes home with a really awesome story.  I've been thinking about starting a series here and sharing the stories as we go.  Today he came home with too good of a story not to share...so here goes tales from the floor, episode 1.

As many of you know we live out by Lawrence so this time of year is a lot of cleaning empty apartments and sorority/fraternity houses before the new wave of students wanders back to town.  Today he was called in to clean the Sig Ep house which according to him is the dirtiest frat house he's ever cleaned.

Example 1: He is there today mainly to clean the tile and as he goes over things with the house mother he tells her the grout is fairly dark to begin with, so it should clean up fairly well. He was mistaken...not in that it didn't clean up well but that it wasn't dark grout to begin with.  It actually wound up being just that dirty.

Example 2: As he moved onto the carpet, he discovered gum...everywhere.  Which leads me to wonder does gum just inexplicably fall out of frat guy's mouths?  And why oh why are they not picking it up.  Im gonna say alcohol may play in here somehow.

Example 3: While cleaning around the gum, his assistant comes up and tells him he has found stuff on the carpet in another room and he can not identify it.  The husband follows him into what appears to be a peanut butter war zone.  There is peanut butter on the walls, the ceiling and piles of it in corners.  I'm not even going to speculate here.

When all was said and done, it took them from 8:30 - 4:30 to clean 3000 sq. ft. of tile and another 3000 sq. ft. of carpet.

favorite 5 of the week

Ooops...I did this Sunday and forgot to post...

1. Discovering I've put the right people in place and kept the right people in my life

2. Lunch...and everything it included

3. A rainy Friday

4. Meeting Gabby
5. Another 5K in the books...and that bitch was hilly

Saturday, August 13, 2011

suck it cancer

Tomorrow I will participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure.  My sister and I walked it a couple years ago and while I don't know anyone who has specifically had breast cancer, in my mind it was still a day to reflect on those who have had to fight any form of cancer.  Two years ago my list was small and mainly consisted of grandparents and aunts and uncles who had been much older. 

Unfortunately for me this year, I find myself with two women in my life who are currently battling cancer and both of whom are right around my age or younger.  I found out about both cases suddenly and unexpectedly and I'll tell you...my head had no idea how to wrap itself around that information.  I literally didn't know how i was supposed to process that information...I don't know if I'll ever figure that out.  Its too early for me to have friends with cancer (god that sounds like a super sad chick flick).  Friends who are wives and mothers and sisters and some of the most wonderful women I've met so far. 

And while I can't even imagine how I would deal with the magnitude of fighting this disease, these two women are doing it flawlessly, courageously and unabashedly. I see them smiling through the recovery, talking candidly about the most private moments and finding something positive in every day.  They've basically said fuck you cancer, its not my time, and I can only hope if I ever have to face this down their stories will be what drag me along.

So while they recuperate and spend time gaining strength again, Im going go out and smash a 5K tomorrow.  This one's for you two.   


      

Sunday, July 24, 2011

favorite 5 of the week

This week was a super hard week that just kept on hitting through Sunday night...lets see what i can come up with here:

1. Lunch with the boy

2. Being told my positive attitude is infectious...take that the other place

3. Finding who I needed when i needed him most

4. The Source Code

5. Vodka...and lots of it.

cubeville: life on the inside

I started a cubeville series on another site a while back which was neither amused by my postings or amusing in and of itself and so i quit the whole idea.  But the places where we spend so much of our lives are too great of a feeding ground for material and opportunity for bonding, so im starting the series back up here.  This will be a combination of stories...some mine, some others I know.  All names will be changed to protect the innocent. 

For this installment I simply leave you with this:

I ended the week with this statement from my VP of marketing - "I think email and online marketing will die out in 5 years and we need to find a better way to market."

Week - 1, Me - 0

Friday, July 22, 2011

moo goo gai pan...as complicated as it sounds

So we're picking up Chinese for dinner, right?  And we call in the order...which is essentially a 10 minute ordeal which involves the husband repeating moo goo gai pan about 10 times into the phone.

So we get there to pick it up and it goes a little something like this...

'You have 2?'

'No we called in'

'Oh, you sit'

'No we called in for pick up'

We are at this point handed take-out boxes for the buffet.

We try again...

'No we called in an order to pick up'

'Oh' she says.

Then I'm pretty sure the next sounds out of her mouth are 'ga mo do poo'

'What?'

She then walks off, confused, to find what I could only hope was help.

Back up appears in the form of a little man who has our order which is missing...you guessed it...the moo goo gai pan we asked for 10 times.

While he leaves to find or make said moo goo gai pan, we wander over to get sushi off the sushi bar and now encounter sushi man who, when we ask what the unlabled roll is, responds with...

'Sim'

'What?'

'Sim'

'Sim?'

'Yes, sim'

I THINK he meant shrimp.

I have NO idea how we managed to eventually get our correct order.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

favorite 5 of the week

1. A 3 day work week.

2. Getting my washer fixed for only $86.

3. Winning 4 rounds of golf and 4 buckets of balls at the raffle after the 5K I ran on Saturday.

4. A great lunch at Grinders followed by a fabulous one man show (Blank) down at the Fishtank Performance Studio in the Crossroads.

5. Liquid eyeliner.  (I have NO idea why i waited so long to try it.  But I tried it on the hottest friggin day of the year and its still on after 10 hours.)

Saturday, July 9, 2011

i really DO run like a girl

My free shirt...and no we weren't
chased by a horse.  Although it would
have been very "running of the bulls"
and maybe would have helped my case.
Today was the annual Eudora HorseThief 5K and because I'm a sucker for paying people to let me run with a group as I torture myself (it was also a fundraiser for the high school cross country team), I was out ready to run at 7 AM this morning.

Ive run a fair amount of races at this point in my running career ranging in size from 500 - 7500 people.  And while the larger runs used to intimidate the hell out of me, I actually prefer them now as its super easy to fade into the crowd.  Unfortunately for me, this run topped out at 350 and about 1/4 of the participants were high school runners.  Which means they will easily smoke ANYONE who isn't 18.  So I had that to look forward to along with the realization that if I came in last, there was no hiding in this crowd.

As I stood around watching the pre-runners (the ones who circle the crowd b/c they like running further than the required distance) I see a little old man arrive who is moving at what you would call a speed walk.  You could tell by his gait he probably had suffered some injury or maybe endured a surgery that restricts him from actually full-on running.  I thought awesome...at least now I might not be last.

The race actually started with the coach firing off a gun (doesn't get more small town than that) and we were off.  Now, Ive driven these very streets for the past 10 years, but until today did not realize what hilly fuckers they are when on foot.  That, accompanied with the sweet humidity and the complications of running as a girl on certain days (being a girl athlete sucks sometimes), brought me in at a sweet 35 minutes...actually about 5 minutes slower than I can usually pull off a 5K.  And for the record, I followed little old man the whole way and never could pull past that little speedy walker.  Nothing like feeling stellar about yourself before 8:30 on a Saturday.

So as I tried to walk off the post race head rush, I told myself its another one under my belt and they can't all be great runs.  The pain was also lessened a little as I managed to win part of the raffle and score myself 4 buckets of balls and 4 9-hole rounds of golf at our local course.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

the 4th

Here's what you missed in a nut shell:

This much ammo

 No wait.....

More ammo


So much chicken and shrimp and pork it took the husband almost two hours to grill it all.

24 people who when not out on my driveway were packed into a space that was only about 600 square feet.  Good god I need a bigger house.

A tour of my upstairs for two 4 year olds.  Tyler exclaimed to Emily...this is Jeff and his Mom's room.  I have NO idea why that child thinks I'm my husband's mother.  No wait...maybe I do...see below picture.

This is what happens when you dont stick the Roman Candle in the ground where it belongs.

Result of misbehavin











Maybe he should have used these:


Safety first











Mya's first 4th...and holding her while she slept was so much better than watching the fireworks:)

Miss Mya











A first time attender.  Ryan we were stupid happy to meet you...you're welcome back any time.

And a furry, four legged, first time attender (not Ryan) who wore my dog out!!  Thanks Lindsay and Brian, she's STILL tired!


The crazy














The fast one











Thanks everyone!

Monday, July 4, 2011

favorite 5 of the week

I need to become more consistent here with these lists.  Last week was one of the harder week's I've had in awhile so I thought why not start over here with a week which may be fairly impossible to find 5 favorites in.  So here goes:

1.  Having someone ask me to go to a meeting with them b/c they value my opinion instead of being disinvited b/c they think my opinions are a waste of their time and money.

2. I moved into my new office (although it seems the previous owner was a pack rat and it took me all week to clear out the crap...i know, i know, its supposed to be positive here, right?)

3. Lunch with two really great old friends.

4. Friday at 5:00 FINALLY arrived.

5. Planet Pit

Saturday, July 2, 2011

WTF

How does a bird get stuck in a fence like this?

Monday, June 27, 2011

my monday was a SHAME

I'm pretty sure I ate some Super Sketchy cantaloupe. I started feeling nauseous and decided it might be in my best interest to quit eating it.

I forgot the plate I bought at Target is not microwaveable and Holy Hell was it hot when I pulled it out of the microwave. Im pretty sure I burned off my fingerprint.

All my projects today seemed to be three Alarm fires.

My stapler snapped shut on my finger while I had it open trying to dislodge a bent staple...Motherf**ker is what i tried not to scream out in my still fairly new work space.

I did end the day though by rocking a pretty Exceptional headstand in yoga.

Monday, May 30, 2011

adventures in mexico part 2: you can’t take us anywhere

Our accommodations in Mexico came in the form of a room at a resort (courtesy of a sister-in-law w/ a timeshare) which included a kitchen. So on our way to the resort we stopped at Costco to stock up for the week (yes it’s EXACTLY the same as any you’ve been in…but with an ocean view which somehow made it better).

They should have known we were gonna be trouble when they saw us roll up. We arrive with luggage for 4, food for a week, 2 cases of corona and 3 bottles of liquor. I was put in charge of manning the bottles (so they wouldn't get broken) and so I made my grand entrance with a bottle of absolut in one hand and a bottle of tequila in the other (that’s right I like to keep my status as a lush on the DL).

Once we got to the room, the first matter of business was getting all said beer and liquor into the fridge. The guys made quick work of putting the beer in the fridge and the liquor in the freezer but they failed to see this on the front of the fridge:

(Please refrain from keeping bottles on door shelves to avoid breakage)

We therefore proceeded to commit what could only be called the 'world’s worst party foul' as I heard the question “do you want a lime cut….son of a bitch!” followed by the sound of half our bottles of beer sliding onto the floor. Housekeeping arrived to find two guys with bleeding toes and so much glass she had to call for back up.

An hour after that we proceed to get in trouble down on the beach because we wandered too far past the 'No Swimming' signs:


We were not so kindly told it was “muy peligroso” as we were escorted to a “safer” spot farther up the beach.

I’m not sure Mexico is going to invite us back any time soon.

Monday, May 23, 2011

favorite 5 of the week

1.  An evening with the Bailey clan...bedtime and all.

2. Absolut Orient Apple

3. Peg the printer repair lady.  She was in the office twice, looked confused the entire time she was there (both times) and the printer is STILL broke.  But god she made me laugh.

4.  Spending time with this one.  I'm pretty sure this was a self picture she took herself when I wasn't looking.















5. Justin Timberlake on SNL.  He rocks it every time.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

adventures in mexico - part 1

The husband and I went to Mexico a few weeks ago. We traveled without phones or computers (yup, I had withdrawal) so I couldn’t blog as I went. And now there are too many stories for one blog…so you’re gonna get them in installments amongst my other random blogs.


We’ll start with airport adventures…

Our adventure began at KCI early Saturday morning. This was the first time the husband and I had traveled via air since all the TSA hoopla and I had also just read a blog post of Will Wheaton’s (check out his blog http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/ sometime) concerning his invasive (and maybe sueable) pat down he had received in the Seattle airport. So I was ready to see what all the talk was about. The two of us slid through security just fine but then proceeded to sit and watch the not so lucky. We never did determine WHY they were pulling certain people aside (im sure some would scream profiling) but we DID decide that the pat downs are indeed invasive. Pants were unbuttoned, shirts were untucked, the women were felt up over and under and in between everything, and there’s no way the TSA agents didn’t know exactly which way the guys hung after all was said and done. These travelers were at least owed dinner first…instead they simply gathered their shoes and belts and took what could only be considered the airport walk of shame.

Friday, May 13, 2011

the tribe has spoken

It's been 12 weeks since I was laid off and 7 weeks since I started my new job. It’s weird to be here and not there, it’s weird that I didn’t get to make that choice myself and it’s weird I'm now part of the “I was laid off” crowd.


Being laid off burst my bubble of the promise land I heard about throughout college and made me feel completely worthless. I came out of college thinking I was gonna have this great career where I would continue to make more and more money and that money was gonna make me happy. And then that dream was pulled out from under me in an instant on a Thursday morning in January. And it made me realize that dream doesn’t and can’t exist anymore. I realized now all I could do was figure out how to just stay employed and exist (safely and quietly) somewhere in the middle. And try and be happy THERE.

I’ve fallen into someplace like that now but I still get all tripped up in the whole thing. I start these wallowing conversations with the husband trying to figure out what happened, why it happened and who was responsible. The other night I finally asked him, “Did I not play the game right? Should I have done something differently?” (I ask these questions b/c I think I’m terrified it will happen again). And my very laid back, blue collar working husband says to me, “I think you were fantastic at playing the game. But you have to accept the fact the tribe just spoke too soon. And you have to be okay with that.”

Now, while I haven’t decided whether that analogy is genius or whether it just means we watch too much tv…I’m going to go with genius for now. Because he’s right. I have to accept I played the best way I knew how and that I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I want to be the player like Colby who played the game his way. He was the guy who wanted to win up against another great player. He took an equal player to the end and ultimately lost. But he had no regrets.

So I can’t be mad or upset at those who played a different game to stay where they are. I didn’t want to play that strategy. I’m okay that me being me and me speaking my mind and me never standing down didn’t get me as far in the game as I had hoped. Because in the end I can say I still played MY game and for that I’ll never be sorry.

Monday, April 25, 2011

favorite 5 of the week

1. My savage tan (thank you 7 days in Mexico)

2. This unexpected addition to my desk...it made me laugh out loud.

3. Disappearing for several hours on a Thursday afternoon with one of my favorite people.

4. Waking up Friday and realizing its Good Friday and that I used to get the day off...but then also realizing that I don't mind going in to work because I actually like going there.

5. Discovering I can complete a 40 minute bike ride without crashing my bike (D I'm gonna give you a run for your money one day)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

favorite 5 of the week

1. My new Nook (don't judge me, all my bookstores are closing).

2. Waking up on Monday morning and realizing I didn't dread where I was headed.

3. Being asked by the boss if I could spear head what we think the new email strategy should look like....finally!!

4. Lunch with good friends...who subsequently made me laugh until I cried.

5. Spending Friday night with some of the greatest people I think I will ever meet.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

don chilitos...no me gusto...burp

I have somehow gotten through 37 years of my life without eating at don chilitos in mission.  Ive heard it mentioned often but was never even really sure where it was located.  Well now I work within walking distance of it and today met a bunch of former co-workers there for lunch.  It went a little something like this:

I walk in and my first shock is its an order and pay before you sit down and eat kinda place.  Not only is it that, its almost cafeteria style service.  No big deal, but I do have to hustle to figure out what i want as there are only two guys in front of me and they have clearly done this before. 

So I approach the counter and pick up my tray which i quickly discover is sticky.  So now I'M sticky and wondering where exactly I can wipe my hand.  I have to abandon this project though as I'm asked what i want and then of course am told my chicken option will cost me more....damn my turketarian ways.  Much to my dismay i receive my order within about 30 seconds.  Should one really be able to get a full mexican platter in that short amount of time?

I move up to the register where i now can pick up a cup for beverage.  The cups for beverages look exactly like the Styrofoam cups you get at a gas station...and i wonder if they didn't just raid the local kwik shop for cups.

While I wait to pay i notice a basket of desserts that says cash only.  At this point I think two things....shit i hope its just the desserts that are cash only (which it was) and I'm pretty sure those desserts had been there since the beginning of time. 

Now I head to the booth my friends already occupy and pass the pit-o-tortilla chips.  It's clearly a help yourself to chips and salsa deal and it makes me shudder as I think of how many hands have probably been in said pit.  I then spend the rest of lunch trying to nonchalantly avoid the chips and salsa at OUR table.

After starting my way through my three tacos I realize I did not eat nearly as fast as I should have when I get to my third taco.  It is so soggy I wind up having to eat it with my fork.  I also go through about 4 napkins and still managed to get grease on my pants. 

So the company was great (I laughed so hard I cried...but don't ask me what the 'would you rather' question was that provoked it...you'll be sorry..trust me) I just didn't love the food.

The funniest part is I had a pre-warning from a friend that the food was not so great.  Sometimes I think said friend has pretentious food preferences (sorry) and so i didn't pay much attention.  What he SHOULD have told me was sweet jesus dont eat there.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

all cubevilles are not created equally

I have determined that no matter where you work....there will always be indignities.  My new 8-5 home has no ice makers.  Not even any in the 4 fridges we have.  There are bags of ice people have brought in...but its clear they melted b/w point of purchase and the office and have now refrozen into one giant ice mass.  And I didn't want to be the new girl making a ruckus with an ice pick...so i took in some ice trays and made ice.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

its never too early to learn nothing in life is free

The husband and i ventured out for our bi-weekly purchase of food at our local grocery establishment last weekend.  I hate the trip and HATE spending a 1/3 of a paycheck on food.  This fine morning as we pulled up we saw we would have some unwanted obstacles this morning in the form of cute little girls in school uniforms holding manila envelops.  As we approached we saw them huddled in the corner and just as I thought we might skate through the adult in charge sends out her two cutest girls. Before we make it to the door they are crowding our knees and aside from kicking them I have no other option than to hesitate as they ask us to help their school out.  The husband and I mumble something about no cash and do a little dance around the pair. 

Now, while we have all encountered the random pleas to buy our popcorn, cookies, wrapping paper, underwear...this morning was different.  This group of kids were from a private school in the area and they weren't selling anything...nothing  They were really just asking for a handout.  And I get it...trust me...I know all the schools need help.  But here's my problem with this instance. Their parents are paying (probably a pretty penny) for them to go to that school.  How is it that the school now needs help with paying for something?  And, how is it they just expect me to hand over a $5 or $10 and get nothing in return?  At least the girl scouts give us cookies (and an expanding waistline) in exchange for the cash and most schools offer up local discounts or books or something.  But these two little girls wanted me to just hand them some cash. 

Im pretty sure thats just panhandling.  They are just using two super cute kids instead of a 'my dog needs food' sign.  I told the husband I should have asked them why i should feel obligated to hand them over cash when I myself was no longer employed.  He didnt think that was funny...and im pretty sure thats why im not allowed out alone.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

not so quik trip

I stopped by a QuikTrip tonight to grab a fountain drink for my ride home. I pulled up and because it was pretty late there were only two cars out front. I go in and there's me, an old lady loitering by the soda fountains with an empty cup and a woman and her 3 year old who was wearing rain galoshes (it wasnt raining). I figure sweet, I'll get in and out....besides isn't that the point of QuikTrips? By the time i grab my drink though the woman and her child have beat me to the counter. So I walk up behind them and while I have to say I don't spend a lot of time in convenience stores so maybe this isn't out of the norm...but this woman had the biggest hodge podge of crap I have ever seen. We'll start with the two fountain drinks one of which was for the 3 year old...and i wondered why she was buying a pop for her daughter at 11:00 at night...in fact...why wasn't the daughter in bed? The rest of the counter was filled with the following:

2 large bottles of Gatorade
2 bags of jolly ranchers
2 ice cream sandwiches
1 bag of three donuts
1 box of donuts
1 package of crackers
1 sucker

Youre guess is as good as mine...all i know is my quick trip was 10 minutes long.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

this installment is brought to you by the letters l a i d o f & f

I was recently laid off...about three weeks ago now that I think about it. And i believe (or maybe im just trying to convince myself) ive moved into the funny phase of being laid off. You can only stay mad and worked up so long before it all becomes absurd. So now that I can actually talk about it...here are the top 10 great things about being unemployed.

10. You get to stay in your pajamas as long as you want.
9. I save about $40 a week ($120 so far) on gas...you know, what with no commute.
8. I no longer feel obligated to pay money to wear jeans on so appointed jeans days.
7. I no longer have to worry about what holidays constitute buying gifts for a boss.
6. I haven't had high heels on in weeks.
5. I haven't done laundry since i was laid off...I wear the same shit daily and most of the time have on no undergarments.
4. I get to see what my dog does all day...which, in case youre wondering, is sleep.
3. I get to be way more creative..which is sad when my job was about being creative.
2. I dont have to waste most of my day in pointless corporate induced meetings.
1. I get to drink whenever I want.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

shut it down - it doesn't conform

The show is called Skins and MTV is under fire....yet again. In case you haven't heard, its a racy, provocative show about teens and sex and drugs and the Parents Television Council is crying that its child pornography.

This isn't the first show or the last show parents or people in general will have issues with but it amazes me every time. The fact of the matter is the show isn't showing anything or talking about anything that isn't already happening with teens. The teens are drinking and the teens are having sex and yes they are doing drugs. Always have been and probably always will. I had classmates die in high school from drug overdoses and drinking and driving...I had pregnant girls in my senior class. But for some reason its not acceptable to talk about...if we hide it, maybe it will go away.

But its not going to. And maybe, just maybe a show like this could be seen as an opportunity to talk about these things. As a parent, you should know what your kid is watching...if you don't, shame on you. Either make sure your kid isn't watching this show (my parents didn't allow MTV in the house until I was in high school) or watch it with them...and discuss. Discuss the pitfalls of said behaviors, discuss how to avoid it, and please discuss how to protect oneself when it does happen.

The Council is also screaming about how MTV is just looking for viewership through sensationalism and how they seem to have gotten it. Well...yea, because everyone is talking about it. MTV pushes buttons and walks lines and stirs the pot...they always have. But its the people TALKING about it that give them what they want. If no one is talking about it...fewer people see the show. People are watching it now because of the uproar...that's why I checked it out.

If MTV follows the rules (they have warnings up before the show) and makes sure what they put on TV follows the guidelines for their network then you can't tell them they can't air the show. That goes against freedom of speech. So instead of trying to get the show off the air...maybe, just maybe we start talking about parents taking responsibility for what their kids watch and what their kids do. The problem doesn't lie within this show...it doesn't lie within any show or book or video game...it never has. I suppose its just easier to go after those external factors instead of addressing where the problems actually start.

bad news billy

He sits on the other side of my cube wall and his name is Billy...and his story is always JUST a little worse than yours. Billy also talks very loudly (as I think he is proud of his opinions and the way each day seems to kick him when he's down) and so its hard to miss what Billy has to say.

Just recently the day after a huge snowfall kept half the workers at home, Billy shows back up at work and joins the discussion of did you make it in easier today. Of course Billy didn't make it in easier. While he admitted the snow was plowed, Billy encountered a truck that kicked up some rocks which subsequently cracked his windshield.

Other poor Billy moments:

Billy's electricity goes off and he has to rush home b/c clearly the wife can not move his child to a different, warmer location.

Billy is allergic to dust...but insists on dusting his cube every Monday and then proceeds to complain b/c he can't breathe after kicking up the dust.

Billy's mother-in-law doesn't like his cooking.

And the best one in my book...Billy wishes people would stop pretending to be gay and then raising kids who of course wind up gay and muck up his world (this opinion is not shared by this writer...only Billy).

Sunday, January 2, 2011

in lebron they trusted

Its been a while since Lebron James made his decision and left Cleveland to play for Miami. But I just watched a most fascinating people of 2010 special and he was one of the featured people. They showed clips of the angry fans and the burning of his jersey and I couldn't help but think how ridiculous the whole thing was. All this guy did was get another job. I don't care that what he does for a living is play a game....its still his job. He had outgrown the current job he had (like many of us do) and he needed to move on. As a "worker" he probably had goals (one being to win a championship ring) and he realized he needed to go elsewhere to reach that goal. I just find it interesting that because he is a worker who is also a super star, his job move was scrutinized on a national basis...and that is really unfortunate. If Sally in finance decides to move on to bigger and better things people wish her well and probably take her to lunch on her last day of work. Instead Cleveland wished him the WORST and burned his jersey. Shame on Cleveland for being poor sports.

holiday cheer....or im a holiday snob

My office always tries to be fairly festive for the holidays and while their thoughts are in the right place sometimes the fashion in which the money is spent irritates me. I always figure if people are willing to pony up some money why not try and use it for something useful....stocking food kitchens, adopting families, etc. My arguments always fall on deaf ears.

So this year the activities committee decided to take the money they have collected from us sorry saps who paid throughout the year for the privilege of wearing jeans and use it to buy us gifts for the holidays. They then wrap said gifts and on the day of our holiday lunch randomly draw names. You receive an email saying you won and you can come down to the board room to pick out a present.

The first round is drawn and surprisingly enough my name is drawn. So i wander down to the board room where there are 3 other girls also picking out gifts. One of the girls decides it will be more fun to open the gifts there....and it goes a little something like this.

Girl #1 gets a gift card to Planet Sub and some lottery tickets.

Girl #2 gets a $25 gift card to Quicktrip.

Girl #3 gets a box of 24 golf balls...sweet golf balls.

And I get a box of fudge.