Sunday, December 26, 2010

the women we come from

Growing up, the women who raise you are the only role models you know. You have mothers or grandmothers (or both) you live with, who run your life, who show you how the world works. And you don't know any better. You think what they show you is right...you assume their perspectives and opinions are what's right...how it all works. You grow up into the woman you think you should be. Then you find yourself at 36 and you start to realize where you came from isn't what you thought it was. These women didn't have it all figured out. Much to your dismay they didn't or don't actually know what the hell they are doing. They were simply making it all up as they went...and they may have fucked it up along the way. And now you find yourself on a completely course from how their world played out and they no longer get you. You have found the independent person in yourself while they have never lived without a parent in the home. You have a lot more education and you now have conversations with them where they no longer know what you're talking about. You argue a case and they point out how sometimes you just have to put up with shit. You sit in a parking lot defending why you don't take shit off people and they give you stories of abuse and wrongdoings and tell you that yes you do have to take shit off people. And you look at them and go I don't want to be that person who thinks they just have to take the shit...it can be different. And you suddenly realize the woman you came from is just a person...a person who never had it all figured out...a person you no longer want to be like.

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