Wednesday, June 25, 2008

i've lost the passion

Most days I think that I am ok. I think what I'm doing is what I'm supposed to be doing, that what I'm doing means something. Then I watch this dance show, this dance show that my friend thinks is ridiculous, this dance show that I relate to...and I realize I'm not okay because most days I feel NOTHING. I watch this show and watch these dancers perform, watch these dancers feel, watch these dancers live and breathe and I realize I am falling flat. I don't feel that. I don't feel half of that on any given day...okay, maybe on some days. I'm okay on the days I get out of my head and stop thinking, the days I am completely misbehaving. But why is it that we are taught that we shouldn't feel that way all the time? We should feel that way ALL the time no matter what we are doing. I guess this is why i run, this is why i write, this is why i dance at 2 in the morning by myself, why i scream out back under the moon, why i look to the boy to hold me up, why i look for something to take my breath away.

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