Saturday, April 26, 2008

musings from seattle

Kissing a girl may be taboo, but almost (accidentally) kissing a girl is funny.

Pizza out of town always tastes better.

$16 to get to the top of the space needle is not worth it...thanks Ant.

Standing in the cold for 30 minutes to wait for a friend you haven't seen forever is totally worth it.

In our minds EMP will always mean electro-magnetic pulse.

Drinking beer from a straw is not a good thing.

Getting lost in Seattle is easy to do...apparently you are always one turn too late.

It's cold in April...and it sleets.

The unexpected is ALWAYS a good thing.

It's fun to be bad (especially in dark places).

It's hard to travel with new people...really hard.

Seattle BBQ sucks.

If the doorman says you can get in for half price if you are in fetish gear...you might want to run.

Leather, gas masks, sex swings, strap-ons and female condoms at 2:00 in the morning are interesting.

Some people just aren't multi-taskers.

Chim's kids are cute.

Just because you are at a white tablecloth restaurant doesn't mean you can't feed the birds.

It's okay to be sad on vacation.

It's not okay to yell at your friends on vacation....but they do forgive you.

Cigars are bad...I'm convinced my left lung will never be the same (thanks guys).

Catching up with old friends is really, really good.

Leaving sad but with great memories for a lifetime is perfect.

Friday, April 18, 2008

why i'm a lush - reason #5

Two weeks before I headed to Seattle I realized I was going to be the light weight on the trip. So I actually practiced drinking so I could keep up with the crew...I got to where I could finish a whole bottle of vodka in about 2 1/2 days.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

not allowed out without adult supervision

Each year around this time I start spending a lot of time in the sun. I do a lot of work in my yard and so I usually wind up with funky tan lines but in normal clothes it usually works out. This year, I am in my sister's wedding in May which requires me to wear a very strappy dress. My sister told me that if I planned on being tan for the wedding I was going to need to fake bake cause she didn't want those funky tan lines I usually wind up with.

Now keep in mind, I function just fine on an every day basis in my comfortable surroundings. I'm in charge of my own accounts at work and I have even recently been put in charge of actual people. But damn, you take me out of my natural environment and I become socially challenged.

I walk into this tanning salon on the edge of Lawrence and this super young, super cute, very tan highschooler is working behind the counter. Of course, I am super intimidated. So I walk up to the counter like I know what I'm doing and tell her I need to tan. Apparently it's not that easy. First she needs a TON of information from me. After filling out the appropriate paperwork I am surprised I didn't have to promise my first child before they'll agree to let me tan. After that, I have to decide how I want to tan. Really? I just need some flourescent lights to singe my skin. She rambles through about 5 different beds and 5 different package deals and I don't understand anything she says. I go with the most tans for the cheapest...again I'm just looking to burn some skin. Just when I think I might get to tan, the very young girl asks me if I want to purchase a sample of tanning lotion. Sure...what the heck. While I'm spending the money, I might as well optimize my tan right?

After paying, I finally get led back to a room to tan. I'm cool at this point...or at least I think. She shows me how to use the bed but then proceeds to tell me I have 5 minutes to get ready before the bed turns itself on. So you're telling me that I have 5 minutes to disrobe, get this tanning lotion rubbed over my ENTIRE body and get in the bed? Sweet. So I strip down and then proceed to open this packet of lotion. As I go to squeeze some lotion into my hand, it is apparent I needed to somehow mix this stuff up because this watery substance spooges out and then onto the floor. I left such a mess that I'm sure they are gonna wonder what exactly I did in there. I'm also pretty sure I only had enough lotion for about half my body.

At this point I have about 1 minute left before my bed turns on so I'm in a panic to get in the bed. As I climb into the bed I smash my knee into the side and have no idea how I didn't spew forth every curse word that I know. As I lay in the bed for 10 minutes singing my skin and most assuredly giving my skin cancer, I'm wondering why exactly I found the need to do this in the first place.

I'm pretty sure as I wandered past the front desk and out to my car the girl behind the counter was laughing.